Perfection Is Boring

 
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I was watching #RHOD (shocking- I know) and Stephanie was asked why she tries so hard to put on a happy face and not show people that she’s struggling? (Video Clip on my IG post)

Her response probably shouldn’t have made me yell “YAS” at the TV like a crazed sports fan but it resonated way deeper than I was planning to get during a housewives ep. She answered, “people don’t like to be around people who don’t make them feel good, nobody would want to be my friend if I was honest about what I deal with like all the time, like I wouldn’t have any friends”.

Oh man, yeah...All of that. I’ve always striven to make people feel good about themselves in my presence, what an awesome quality to process. On a daily basis I’m exhaustively complimentary and encouraging of total strangers to the point that I feel uppity and annoying most of the time.

But how do you reconcile this desire to make others feel good when anytime your honest and open about your life and how you feel (physically, like shit, always), you feel like a downer, a complainer, a negative Nancy, a big ol’ burden?

Chronic Illness & Pain are not for the faint hearted and it takes a special human to be friends with and/or care for a chronically sick person. Illness has been a fast track to learning who’s a Ride or Die and who’s just passing through. I echo my blog from earlier this week, “people can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves” & “what others chose to see in you, says a lot about themselves”.

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One of my best friends had a last minute trip to KC and we spent last night catching up until the morning hours. As we exchanged laughs and stories, I thought to myself how much I value our friendship and his support over the years and how none of that came from pretending to be perfect. It made me think about the relationships I value the most, that make me feel seen and appreciated & provide me with support and growth. I realized that not one of those relationships is valuable because I put on a happy face and pretend to be anything other than exactly how I feel at that moment.


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I remember I used to think it was “strong” to be emotionless. God, how badly the “empath” in me wanted to be unaffected by others. Until I realized that feeling your feelings is where the real work is at and how few humans actually explore those feelings or why it’s are SO important to.

I woke up just deeply grateful for my friends who divulge in my tangents about the same exact things time and time again, who listen to my burdens without thinking of me as one, who love me even when I’m extra AF, who have become my chosen family and my support system during some trying times. Thank you for seeing thru the act I put on and loving me for ALL my feelings that I constantly want to talk about for hours. I hope that the Snapchat karaoke content and housewife GIFS I send you put even an ounce of the light that you add to my life everyday, back into yours! Deeply grateful for each of you angels, ILYSM!

 
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Some Yung Pueblo & Amber Ibarreche Inspo for good measure <3